Half way into my time at the festival, I had a bit of a wake-up call. I’d been partaking in some activities that I’m not so fond of, the kind of stuff I used to do back at home in London… and I thought…

‘You’ve come all this way, to this absolute paradise, with all these incredible ceremonies and plant medicines, tools for transformation, insight and understanding… and you’re doing the same old shit you do back in London! Sort it out mate!’

So I decided to go to a ceremony whilst there. When deciding this, it happened to be the last day of ceremonies the next day, and my friend I met mentioned to me in passing about one he was interested in named ‘Anaconda’ - It was a ceremony whereby they use San Pedro, a sacred psychedelic cactus, Yopo, the bark of a tree that contains 5-meo-dmt, another potent psychedelic, as well as Cannabis oils. Yes, this sounded like good value for money to me, and powerful substances that would help me change some of the habits I’d fallen back into whilst at Tribal. But to get on the ceremonies you have to get up at 7am and wait in line until 11am to try and secure a place. I wasn’t up for that, so I decided to leave it in fate’s hands. I would get up at 11 when there was no longer a queue and if there were spaces then it was meant to be. Well, that’s what I did, and there were 5 spaces left when I rocked up… so I booked myself in. It was for later that evening, so I spent the rest of the day resting in prep.

Well, when I finally got to the ceremony, it turned out to be what I was describing as a ‘Shaman end-of-work Mashup party’… It was the most unorthodox shit I ever saw. So, I went there with the intention of stopping smoking for the rest of the time there and avoiding other substances. The first thing they do is start handing round shots of rum and cans of beer. We’re then offered Mambo, which is powdered Coca leaves, the raw ingredient used in the processing of Cocaine. Then, 3 different types of tobacco. After, we are given the Yopo, and eventually the San Pedro, along with the Cannabis oils, and it wasn’t long before I realized that I was actually getting the opposite of what I wanted there. In the end, I soon started turning down the ‘medicines’ that were offered to me, and instead of dancing chose to sleep on the floor. I was disappointed because, instead of being as advertised - 2 potent psychedelics and THC oils, I also received that which I sought to move away from - Tobacco, Coca leaves and Alcohol…. How ironic! It was really funny though.

I was trying to figure out what the lesson was in it all. I think I have concluded that the universe was trying to show me - there is no quick fix. What I lack is integrity and self-discipline. That’s something I have to work on myself over time, not something that can be magically cured in one night. I was calling the tribe in my head the ‘mash-head tribe’. They were party people for sure, except they used all the raw, natural forms of drugs we commonly use around the world (apart from the alcohol - they were necking rum and beer like there was no tomorrow!).

My theory is they had lots of leftovers they didn’t want to take on the plane home so, they organized this end up work mash up. Anyway, it wasn’t what I expected. Because the group was overbooked it meant instead of dancing together we were kinda just getting jostled around. I wasn’t impressed or in the mood for it, hence my decision to sit out and just relax on the floor, soaking up the singing and the sound of movement as the tribe and the attendees danced together in their altered states of consciousness. It was a cool experience either way, regardless of the fact that I got far from what I went there for.

So the rest of the festival went on as before. I accepted that when in Rome I was gonna party. I had a great time I cannot deny it. Days after, a leader of the Mayan tribe organized an LSD ceremony. Wow… what an amazing experience! Over 250 people gathered together in the woods and Antonio led us into a space where he built a fire, and took us through a ritual that lasted over an hour. He blessed all of our LSD by waving the smoke of some burning substance in it, and together in this big group we set our intentions for what we wanted.

My intention was to increase my capacity to serve humanity, to inspire, to be inspired, and my capacity for creativity. One by one we were marked on our foreheads, the whole time amazing drumming, singing and chanting whirred throughout the group, enriching us all and bringing us closer together through the medium of rhythm and harmony. It was such a magical experience. When the ceremony ended, we were released back into the festival, and what ensured ensued was pure hilarity. Because we were all marked, you could see who was tripping in the crowd throughout the rest of the day. It was so funny, and it was definitely a powerful way of working with what I know to be just as potent a medicine and healer as all the other medicines on offer at this festival… I was glad that someone finally gave LSD the time of day it deserved for a proper ritual, ceremony and celebration.

I had the chance to practice ‘Compersion’ at this festival too - as although I had been really attracted to Karis since we first met in Tulum a while back, after a good chat one night, we both knew it was a bad idea to get together, for we both had the fear that we might hurt the other in the process. She’d also made a connection with a new guy called Marik, who I absolutely love, he was such a legend full of amazing loving energy, and we made a really good bond together as we spent most of our days in each others company. So, although at times jealously was there, I was always grateful for the opportunities to practice turning it round into ‘Compersion’ and was really happy she’d found an amazing connection. When I saw them together I would smile and remember the meaning of this powerful concept -

Compersion - To Love those that make the ones you Love happy.

Really powerful shit. Like anything, the more you practice, the better you get at it.

On the last morning, after being up all night as is only appropriate on the last night of a festival, I overcame a fear that I had been wanting to overcome for a long time - Being naked in public.

After Envision I had a chance. I did a 2 day shamanic yoga retreat, lead by an incredible man named Juan Pablo. His energy was immense. One day he lead us all to what sounded like a beautiful oasis, where we would do some activation and then swim in the water. It was about a 40 minute walk away, and when we finally got there, we were greeted with a less than glamorous, kinda stagnant looking small pond-ish area of water. Everybody looks a little uneasy, hesitant, and less than impressed. Juan rocks up to the waters edge…

‘Cummon everybody! Let’s go!’

He then strips to nothing and goes straight in, proceeding to then to do the fucking butterfly, galloping through the water as we all watch on. I can’t deny I was slightly in awe. One by one others get into their bathing suits and start entering the water. The whole time I wanted to follow suit, get naked, and go in too. But I didn’t. I couldn’t beat the resistance. In the end, I was kinda glad, as when I settled for just having a paddle, I saw loads of tadpoles in there and I wondered if it was the safest water to swim in, especially naked. Turns out it was fine, but I let that justify giving in to my fear.

However, on the last morning at Tribal a few weeks later, I was with a beautiful young lady I’d met there and made a good bond with named Laura, who I’d met through my workshops. She wanted to swim in the ocean as the sun was rising, but neither of us were equipped with what we needed.

‘Guess I’m gonna have to go in naked then!’

I knew this was it. I thanked her for the opportunity and explained this was a fear I wanted to overcome. I took my shorts down and together we walked into the ocean totally naked. Wow… what a beautiful experience. 1) to be over the fear and 2) to connect with the ocean like that, totally free. Marik was meditating on the beachfront and it was a good 10 minutes before he clocked on that it was Laura and I in there, and before long he and Karis both joined us, also naked, as well as another guy Ethan. It was an amazing experience! I don’t think I’ll ever be scared to be naked in public again after this. The liberation I felt was incredible, and like all others, my body is a beautiful and divine creation that should be celebrated and appreciated by me… and from now on, it will be.

Laura and I then proceeded to take a long walk down the beach to collect shells and enjoy the last few moments together as our time at the festival came to a close (we were clothed again by this point). I couldn’t be thankful enough for all the blessings that this experience had given me. They are countless and words cannot depict just how thankful I am. Yet, I was also extremely excited about getting to a hotel with a big comfy double bed, a hot tub and a proper shower…

We deserved a treat after what we’d just been through. I ‘manifested’ one of the most beautiful hotels I’ve ever been in a day or so after setting that as my intention. A new friend I met on the last night, Samantha, told me of a hotel that had all that I wanted, so when we got back to Panama City I got us booked in. We first ended up in a nice hotel as 2 friends from the festival saw us land from the bus. It was nice but, all they had was a rooftop swimming pool - no hot tub. I had my heart set on it. Emily and Karis were both happy to stay where we were, but I insisted we see what else was on offer. I found Euro Stars, the hotel that Samantha had told me about, and when we looked at the price it was only an extra $5 to stay there instead to the hotel we were currently sitting in. So, we booked 2 nights there and made our way over, which was only a 10 minute walk away. When we first walked into the hotel we were all so excited. I’d told Karis I was a VIP and always lived my life in that way, partly for banter but it’s also truth too. This hotel was definitely VIP shit, and when we got into our room and saw the 2 huge, beautiful, soft double beds and posh shower we were all extremely excited to be there. Later on, we hit the hot tub, and we laughed together at our surroundings and circumstance as we imagined many people still back at the festival, dirty and drained after enduring such a lengthy and intense experience. We were in the right place. I had ‘manifested’ exactly what I wanted… I liked to keep using this word as Karis had laughably noted that if she heard the word ‘Manifest’ or ‘Ceremony’ one more time it might break her. I laughed because the words are perhaps over-used in a place like Tribal, but at heart, I know the power we have to ‘manifest’ the things we desire in life. We can use the word create instead but… ‘Manifest’ sounds more powerful and magical if you ask me. After the hot tub, we 'manifested’ a pizza and chilled together in bed, stuffing ourselves and watching a film together. I was grateful for this… The one thing I miss about traveling and being single is a good lazy chill in bed watching movies and eating junk food with people you connect well with. Both Emily and Karis fit this description and I was pleased to be where I was with their company.

^^ The idyllic, precious paradise that hosted Tribal Gathering 2017. I’ve been to a lot of festivals in many different locations… but this one tops them all ❤️