Wow.... I feel like I've just begun finally landing back after going through a great wormhole of time and space.

Like that - 5 years have passed since my last blog post. A memory sparked in my heart these past hours, and I remembered that that was something that I used to do... to record the adventures that i end up on in life - those that I purposely choose and those that choose me.

I went back to check if my old posts were all still there, and sure enough they were. As I began reading some of them, I was reminded of memories lost, of lessons learned that had somewhat faded into the back of my subconscious.

As I continued reading, I realised that taking time out to write these words was a way not only of recording memories that can so easily slip away - but also of integrating the more intense experiences and finding deeper meaning behind them.

But I stopped. At the end of 2019 - I was briefly stripped of my freedom for 7 days and nights in a Guatemalan holding prison for possession of Marijuana.

After coming out on the other side of that wild roller-coaster ride - I took the time to write the entire encounter out in detail in order to process and put the experience to one side (which can be found at this link for anyone interested --> ( LINK )

And when I came out, in the midst of a short but sharp heart-ache, mixed up with both the adrenaline and stress of the entire experience - love came into my life out of nowhere - unexpected and not consciously called for - and yet despite my internal resistance and initial concern... I guess in the end, I had no choice - it would seem that love had another lesson or two for me to learn.

And then... swept up in a torrent of emotion, ecstasy and euphoria that comes with falling in love and living in one of the most beautiful places on the whole planet, spending 3 months with a new-age mycelium network of circus performers and medicine people - suddenly - 2020 hit, and following a feeling that something odd was in the air - the C-bomb landed in our lives just as I had returned home to England to renew my passport and visit friends and family... and all of a sudden everything I felt so sure of became somewhat vulnerable and delicate...

Let's face it. That was a crazy time. An insane and extremely odd and challenging 'level of the human game'. Even those of us that expected that and had pre-warning that something like that was on its way long before the fact - didn't ACTUALLY expect that.

Like many others, I was highly suspicious about the whole thing from the very first moment it erupted. Still, I got stranded in England for 6 months during the first lockdown. To be fair, there were definitely worse places to find oneself, but it wasn't the best either.

As soon as the first lockdown lifted, my partner and I started conspiring our escape from England. At that point, we had found ourselves living with a Dominatrix / "Shaman" / Absolute Narcissist and needless to say, toward the end of our 10-week stretch living there in a glorified dog-kennel in her garden... things were beginning to get desperate as her truest colours began to show.

My partner received an instagram story sent to her that showed a DJ playing music by the sea during sunset - the golden rays shining through and a small mask-less crowd of people happily dancing to the music... the story simply had a text that said #sinai...

Seeing a crowd dancing together without masks was a first for many months. As I looked at the video, it clicked almost instantly... 'That's Dahab!' I said to my partner. Dahab is a small little hippy town about 1 hour north of Sharm-El-Sheik in Sinai, towards the northern tip of Egypt. It's right by the red sea and is a mecca for Scuba and Freediving, as well as kite and wind-surfing. It's also got a little spiritual community blossoming there, and I had visited for a few weeks a few years prior. I knew the vibes were good, and I had made some friends there. I quickly messaged one of them and asked -

"Hey man, what's up! How's the whole Covid situation going over there?"

To which he answered -

"What Covid situation??!"

.... That response was all we needed to make an impromptu decision there and then to escape the dominatrix and escape the pandemic-ridden matrix... we bought 2 flights to Dahab, Egypt - and with that the plan for our grand getaway was well underway.

There was an instant sense of relief and liberation. The end of a very unsettling 6 month period was in sight. Freedom seemed within reach.

On the 12th December 2020, we left England to find our safe haven in Egypt of all places. Although the whole Covid thing was far from over, in this little idyllic bubble of natural beauty, it was almost as if nothing had ever happened.

What we thought might just be a few months away over winter while we waited for the second lockdown to blow over, turned out to be a 15 month stretch living in Egypt, and that chapter is an entire blog post by itself.

It feels good to write again. It's not really about whether anyone else reads this or gains anything from it, although of course making a positive impact is a bonus. It's more about the points I mentioned above. Taking time to do something I love. Taking space to reflect and introspect - finding increased depth in my experiences by simply recounting the whole thing and translating it into written word. For me at least, it's both therapeutic and meditative - even entrancing - to go through this process.

I'd let an important part of my creative expression slip for far too long. Covid made me feel very quiet. I had a lot I wanted to say - but I didn't want to add to the confusion, division and general hysteria that was already at large. I didn't want to upset or offend anyone - I didn't want to be judged or unfriended for my views by people I've always been so close to. of which I knew had opposing views... and so, I just stayed quiet and played it safe.

'What would my little voice do anyway?'

A familiar old feeling I'd long-since shaken began to resurface again.

I felt helpless and hopeless. Like a large battle had been lost, and with that, the war-wagers that have been attacking human consciousness for so long had made one of their biggest advances yet and crushed the human spirit once again - perhaps even more than ever before.

My relentlessly optimistic lens through which I had trained myself to view the world was slowly dimming with the shadowy haze of pessimism.

However, making it to Egypt soothed the pain a lot. That 15 months in the desert provided a lot of safety and grounding - and therefore a lot of growth. I would go on to discover that it wasn't just covid and my growing pessimism that was making me shy to talk. It time, I pieced together than an incident I thought I'd already shrug off energetically and emotionally was also still playing its part in my voluntary silence.

More to come on that at a later date.

So I promise myself I will write more. Coming out the other side of that vortex now, realising how much I'd let myself retract, play small and dim my own light, I am ready to start 'putting in the effort' and spending more time doing what I am good at and what I love.

It's funny how life goes in cycles of expansion and retraction. It's everywhere in nature. Both of these processes can be quite uncomfortable at times. But it's all natural. Resistance is what causes stress and suffering. And resist I did for quite some time. I am learning to go with the flow once again. To ride the waves and to weather the storms whilst maintaining an air of hope, optimism, joy and gratitude - for life and all of its gifts.