On the day of the second ceremony, my intention was to shed the fear of letting go so that I may be free from that barrier for the next ceremony. I had an idea to do something physical that could represent my willingness to let go from that and detach from things that I love.

So I’ve mentioned once or twice how good the food is at Aloha. This is due to one of the most incredible chefs I’ve ever met, an awesome lady called Emily. She really has a special way with food, and a big part of that is her mentality. But, when we first met she pointed out one of my necklaces and was totally taken aback by it’s beauty - It was a really lovely necklace, containing a big round disc of Serpentine, the root of Ayahuasca, and 6 smaller polished spherical crystals - Tiger’s Eye, Malachite, Moonstone and Amethyst… It was definitely pretty and when she saw it she could feel the power within in…

She commented on it several times after.

Then after many days of being fed such lovingly prepared and absolutely delicious and nutritious meals by her, and witnessing the amount of time and love that went into every second of each meals preparation, I had the idea that I wanted to give her a gift…

But I knew if I did that, there was only one thing that would be appropriate to give her - The necklace that we both loved so much.

I toyed with the idea as the days went by, eventually coming to the conclusion that I would give it to her, but not until after the second ceremony so that I could wear it both nights.

But on this day, the day of the second ceremony, I decided that now was the perfect time to give it to her.

For me it was a physical representation of my willingness to detach and to let go of things I love (i.e. in the case of the Ayahuasca - This reality). I really loved that necklace and connected with it more than any other jewelry I had. I’ve worn it pretty much every day since I got it and always take a moment to appreciate it’s beauty...

But I just knew I had to give it to her.

I knew how much she would love it.

And I knew deep down it would look much better on her.

So I said my prayer to Ayahuasca and informed her that I wanted her to know that I trust and surrender to her, and that by giving this necklace away as a gift I was simultaneously displaying my ability to let go. Letting go of reality of course is a little different to letting go of a necklace I know! But, I truly felt like it was a necessary part of the process in letting go of the fear.

Because what had stopped me from giving it to her sooner?

Fear that somehow without that necklace my life wouldn’t be as good.

Well, now I was removing two fears.

I decided also that I would get a better necklace that I like more afterwards too 😃

When I gave it to her, Emily was made up, and I felt a beautiful buzz of increasing energy when I saw her wearing it with a big smile. She had it on the whole time throughout the rest of our time together, and I was right…

It did look much better on her.

So I approached the second ceremony feeling lighter having recognized and consciously chosen something other than my fears to guide my decision making process. The day had been very overcast yet somehow had not rained all day. Today’s ceremony was scheduled to start later, at 9pm. When we gathered, we were informed of the shamans uncertainty as to whether the ceremony would go ahead tonight. The entire sky was dark, all night lights obscured by a thick blanket of clouds. The moon I was looking forward to gazing at again was nowhere to be seen.

We were again lead through a short meditation by Kieran, and he shared a quote with us all at both the beginning and the end of the meditation. It was a very well chosen quote, totally appropriate and it was something I thought back to several times as the night unfolded. It said:

It brought me back to something I practice every day - To not resist ‘What Is’.

The eldest of the 3 brothers spoke to us:

“Right now we are unsure if we will go ahead tonight because of the possibility of rain.

We have been speaking to the plant spirits and they have told us many things about your journeys. For some of you it is about patience, for some it is about having the courage to go deeper. She has told us that she is ready to work with us all again, but that we have to show her that we really want to.

So together, I want us all to decide if we want this tonight. We are going to start the ceremony with some Oscar for anybody that wants it (Oscar is a form of powdered tobacco that is blown into the nose and is commonly used for grounding and meditation). This will be a good time to connect and as a group direct our intention to what we want for the night.

We will then play some music for an hour or so, and if the clouds clear up at all in this time and we see any stars, we will go ahead."

Just before I’d had this feeling that it wasn’t going to happen tonight… that it would be postponed. But this wasn’t what I wanted, so I chose to believe that it would happen instead. I also figured it would be a great experiment in the power of group intention and collective thought energy.

We all took the Oscar and then connected by the fire, each one of us concentrating on our intentions and desires in silence.

Then, around 30 minutes later, the music begun, and together we sung and danced. As the show continued and the energy kept growing, more and more of us joining in to dance and sing, I kept my head looking at the sky.

Then toward then end, something magical happened. The first star appeared. The clouds were still at large, completely obscuring the night sky, but miraculously just one star begun to shine through the seemingly impenetrable barrier.

A huge grin crossed my face..

Everybody was cheering.

When the music stopped, the eldest shaman announced the good news…

“So who wants to drink tonight then?!"

Everybody cheered again. We had proven that we really were ready to work with her again. The star had appeared and given us the sign to go ahead - that we would not have to worry about rain disturbing us during the ceremony. It was magic.

We each drunk our first cup and it all began. Tonight, the first cup had a much stronger effect than the first cup I’d drunk the day before. I felt like she was revealing more of herself after the work I’d done since the previous night.

I sat right by the fire and gazed into it, letting my body move around with the feeling of bliss, rocking around, and my eyes rest in that half shut position, allowing the closed eye visuals to seep into the real world and merge with my sight.

After around 45 minutes or so, I felt the effects starting to lessen ever so slightly. I knew this was my chance to go and ask for more if I wanted to ‘let go'. During the day I’d told the shamans of my experience and everything that had occurred, so they were aware that I might be coming to them for this reason.

I went up to speak to one of them to request the next cup.

He gave me an assuring smile -

“Okay Brother, We will call you"

- When I wasn’t offered what I wanted straight away, I knew this was going to be about patience again.

So I sat by the fire, and 15 minutes later or so the eldest brother came to me and took me to the altar. I explained that I was enjoying the first cup and it was stronger, but after last night and today, I felt that if I wanted to go deeper now was the time I needed to drink. However, he instead offered me Oscar again, and told me he wanted me to then meditate by the fire and focus my intentions before I drink again - If I wanted to. I thanked him and obliged. My impatience would have told him I didn’t want to do that, I just wanted to drink. But I knew both he and the medicine knew the right instructions to give me, so I followed them.

I sat back down by the fire as the Oscar put me in a calm, focused and relaxed state. I kept confirming that I was ready and had removed my fear. I waited patiently to be called up again to finally drink the second cup.

By the time I actually got to drinking again, the first cup had almost all but passed, and I felt that the chance to go deeper had passed too. I sat back by the fire and knew without doubt again that this was all about patience, and that I would have to wait for another night before I finally get to the experience I’d been seeking these 2 nights.

The rest of the night continued as the night before. At around 1am the music began again. The first few songs were done by an amazing man from Ireland who had also brought the frog medicine to the retreat for us to experience. His voice was incredible, using tones and strange techniques that I’d never heard before. It was entirely captivating from start to finish.

As the songs went on eventually Greg played for us, as he’s a very talented signer / song-writer. He’d treated us all to many performances throughout the retreat - all original songs he had written himself and the rest of the time he is just free-styling, making up amazing lyrics in the moment. His voice is beautiful and his lyrics stay with you forever. So when he started playing suddenly everybody knew the words and was singing along.

And when the singing begun, something magical happened.

The sky above began to rapidly clear above us, seemingly starting from the point in the sky that was directly above our fire. It’s like the wind of our intentions transported by our singing voices was blowing the clouds clear. By the time the music had finished, the entire sky was totally clear, an abundance of stars twinkling in the sky as I rejoiced at being able to see the moon and all it’s companions once again.

I was happy with my experience tonight even though I knew now it wasn’t going to be the night that I finally ‘broke through’

I’d demonstrated patience in every moment. I’d demonstrated acceptance. I hadn’t resisted ‘What Is’ or placed any demands on the moment, even when it didn’t go the way I was willing it to. The previously shared quote came back to me once more -

"Any time you have a demand on the moment to give you something or remove something, there is suffering."

I’d quickly accepted ‘What Was’ - That tonight wasn’t the night. I thought that after the music when offered more, I would decline, as there was no point in taking more. However when it came to it, it did serve a purpose.

So moments before we were offered to drink again once the music had stopped, I changed my mind.

“What the hell. Who knows when I’m going to drink again. I might as well…OI OII"

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^^ The scene of the final bitter herb bath.

^^ Sunrise, Sleepyhead and a Sacred Altar ❤️