I tell Karis and Sam of my plans to come back to Tulum… we’re all excited at the prospect of being reunited. When I arrive at Karis’s hostel, she is stood outside with who I assume is going to be her sister, Suki, who I’d just previously met on Facebook days before meeting Karis in Tulum. It was unexpected that we would actually end up meeting, especially under the unexpected circumstances, but I don’t really get surprised by ‘coincidences’ like this any more… I simply give thanks.

So that night we go to the usual favorite spot - Batey - The live music bar that’s always bursting with energy every night.

Whilst there I get lost in the richness of the moment. I close my eyes and soak in the fullness of it all. The band, loud, chaotic, yet totally synchronized and in harmony, the loud and constant chatter of conversation, whoops, claps, cheers… the clinking of beers. Birds sing their songs into the air, lighters spark, inhalations and exhalations, laughter, shuffling feet, hustle and bustle. So much diversity just within the world of sound.

Open my eyes and I’m overloaded as a rush of sensations bombard me and join the sound to create the full experience around me… the symptom of which is an un-wipeable smile, a strong vibration of immense gratitude shakes my whole body, and I laugh to myself.

A lot happens in between now and when we leave, including the care taking of a half naked, very rude, absolutely paralytic girl (though somehow coherent enough to name me 'Fluffy head') who was leaving herself at high risk by being passed out in the streets of Mexico in that state. Needless to say she had angels surrounding her, and we played our part in the process, along with 3 little old Mexican ladies who were hanging out on the street corner who didn’t look like they’d take shit from anyone so.. she was well looked after. I also meet one of Sam’s good friends from back home in Australia, Joel, who as expected, is a really nice guy.

Towards the end of the night we find the best veggie Burritos we’ve ever had. So good that one member of the crew has to go back for a second.

Before leaving the bar to get food we befriended a beautiful street dog we named Bruno. Karis had a special affinity for him and he for her. He stayed with us the whole time, and when we split off from Sam and the rest of the people we’d accumulated, he followed us back to our hostel.

Karis didn’t feel she could leave him outside, so to cut a long story short, we ended up spending a few hours with him in what appeared to be an abandoned bus that had been parked outside the hostel. When I woke I was on the floor, cold, and uncomfortable… and suddenly my love for Bruno had been outweighed by the need for a warm and comfortable bed. I walked him round the corner while Karis went inside so she didn’t have to see his face, then made my escape too. He’d already been into the hostel twice to try and come in with us… this time I had to lock him out. It wasn’t particularly nice. All dogs really crave are food, and love and connection. I know the dogs that live on the street don’t come by either so easily, but although I had to do what I had to do, I felt glad that we’d been able to provide both for him that night for a short while.

The next day, Karis, Suki and I go for lunch at one of the best vegetarian restaurants I’ve ever eaten at before going to meet Sam and heading off to see the ruins in Tulum. We’re serenaded by an Argentinian musician who plays us 3 songs, one of which on the violin, one using a Quena (a Native American flute), and one on the guitar. All were beautiful, and I was even able to understand a few bits here and there as my Spanish comprehension is now getting much better.

It’s a beautiful day in an incredible landscape rich in history and raw beauty. Iguanas roam freely amongst the ancient structures that decorate the cliff side foregrounds. In the backdrop, the vast ocean stretches out to the horizon, it’s colour a shade of blue that I’ve not seen before, the water crystal clear, the waves gently caressing the sand as people below revel in the profound beauty of this private piece of perfect paradise.

That night we eat again, and head out to see some more live music. We end up back at one of our favorite spots, the place where we had danced for 8 hours previously. Once again, we have to get the dance floor going, but within 15 minutes of us getting on it, there was a crowd of around 20 people. Just an hour later, the place was packed out.

Karis and I dance a lot together throughout the night. She moves her body to the beats in beautiful ways, entrancing and attracting people around her. For me it’s a breath of fresh air to have someone to dance with. It’s not since Nowhere festival last summer that I’ve been on a dance floor where the crowd truly interacted with one another in an almost theatrical manner as they navigated the space around them, bouncing around like atoms, creating chemical reactions manifesting as what felt like professionally choreographed routines between each dancer. So since then, I’ve mainly been dancing alone.

But dancing with Karis was like being given wings again, enabling me to fly and focus the energy of my movement to infuse with the energy of hers, creating a new dance, moves and grooves that do not manifest when dancing solo.. and it was electrifying.

But as the night went on, tiredness catches up, the dancing begins to take toll and the body begins to feel fatigued, now even my mind is winding down.. so I sit and chill. At this point I’d been away from Karis for an hour or so as we did separate things. I start to feel kinda detached and disconnected, although I’m surrounded by so many people, I feel alienated and separated. I start to write a new poem about it and focus this uneasy feeling into something creative.

I notice that Karis is dancing with somebody, and unexpectedly, I feel that cold harsh sting of jealousy. It throws me off completely. For a short time, it brings up all sorts of familiar feelings. The guy was good looking, taller than me, darker haired, bigger build. I suddenly felt even more alone. I was back to dancing solo again.

But of course, I was creating all this shit in my head, and I knew that. I gave thanks for answer of how to turn it around, I decide going home is the best option.

I tell Sam I’m gonna go, but I’d already sensed she knew something was up. When I said this, she suggested we walk to the nearest shop together before I go. On our way, she asks what’s up, and I feel comfortable opening up to her, so I tell her what I’m feeling. I know that Karis is an open and free spirit, as am I, and neither of us have talked or made any agreements about our relationship together. There was no need for jealousy or hurt, and yet, it was the first natural reaction.

In the shop, I decide that now may be my only opportunity to perform a poem. I’d been wanting to share something with the girls… The biggest thing I really miss about London is the Poetry scene. I really miss being on stage and performing, sharing with people and connecting with others on that level. Seeing as I was about to go home, I asked if Sam wanted to listen to one now before we went back. She obliged, and next to the shop was a perfect little alcove with a bench and a performing area. I did her one of my favorites about not comparing yourself to people that you think are ‘better than you’.

Afterwards I feel alive and buzzing with energy. Sam gives me a lot of praise and points out the relevance of the poem to this particular situation, which I hadn’t realised yet…

Why had I been comparing myself to some other dude that Karis was dancing with? Why had I made assumptions she’d ‘found something better’? There really is no such thing!!

When I got back in I was so high from the healing experience of sharing and the insight that had brought to me that I let loose for another 15 minutes on the dance floor before I went off home. I felt amazing, every ounce of jealousy had gone, I thought of Compersion, the epic gift I was given at Nowhere festival, and I thought of my love for all the new friends and incredible experiences I had created in Tulum.

When we get back to the hostel, Karis and I go up to the roof to chill and chat. The most important thing in ALL relationships in life is clear, open and honest communication. I hand her an early birthday present… I do love to give gifts, so I’d taken the opportunity whilst in Bacalar to buy her something nice as her Birthday was coming up on the 27th, 2 days after I would leave.

She seems blown away, and wears it as an anklet instead of a necklace… creative, I like it, and it looks great. It’s difficult buying jewelry for someone you just met but, I think this was the perfect piece.

It was an important experience to go through. Jealousy had been a factor in my previous relationship in many forms, and after going through what I went through, I thought I’d never feel jealousy again, especially for somebody I’d just met. But, it is the normal thing to do. The natural thing to do is to love everything and everybody unconditionally, for you know that everything has it’s perfect place as part of the process of life unfolding. But, the natural thing has been conditioned out of our understanding of love, and it’s more common for Jealousy to rear it’s ugly head than a pure and unconditional acceptance and love.

But I got there within 20 minutes or so with Sam’s help and the blessing of poetry, which I give thanks for every time I share. Really, I love to watch Karis dance, because she is a master of her body, and it’s a beautiful thing to see... whether she’s dancing with me or not is beside the point.

When writing the new poem I was posed with a question -

I wondered if it’s even possible.

I’m still unsure.

The next morning I get my shit together and get going to Guatemala, stopping in Chetumal, which is where I’m currently writing this, then to Flores in Guatemala tomorrow, before heading off the next day to start my Spanish Tuition course at the Utopia Eco Hostel. I’ve done a lot of partying between Playa and Tulum… it’s time to get my study on and get reconnected to myself again.

^^ Myself, Karis, Suki and Sam at the ruins in Tulum. Such a beautiful place and it was a lovely way to spend my last day and night in Tulum with my new tribe ❤️